I don’t exactly know how you work. I don’t even know if I have experienced you fully at work, in a negative way especially. They say you’re the one responsible for making sure people pay or get rewarded for their deeds. Me, I would like to think this includes both good and bad. Anyway… The purpose of my first ever letter to you, is to negotiate your strategy, your tactics. I know you tend to take your own time. I’m not complaining. I’m just letting you know that I am not here to rush you, just give a few suggestions on how to deal with those who do ME wrong. I don’t know why I think I deserve such special attention. But I do. I’m sure I’m allowed. Justin Timberlake did in a song. Remember “What goes around comes around”? Yes. I’m doing it in a letter. Please don’t sue me.

I understand that being a good person is not easy. But it certainly cannot be that hard right? Sticking to one’s principles and exercising sound judgment and good faith and all that… cannot be that much work. Being kind to your fellow man and applying some understanding and forgiving mistakes that are naturally bound to happen because we are all so imperfect. At least people should be rewarded for always trying right? Because as you may well have realized, most people who do good are the ones who get screwed over. I don’t know how it’s like in your neighborhood but I certainly have seen and experienced it enough times. Karma, I hope you understand where I’m coming from. You know? With you being the dealer in coming and goings around and all?

Let me get to the point of this letter: My suggestion box type contributions on how to deal with folk who do ME wrong. You may use them for other people as well. You decide. I will make a list:

• Please strike the person who has done me wrong with lightning. Do not kill them. Please make it during a very hot day with clear skies, just to add that drama and shock effect. African people have been known to be able to conjure such acts. It’s called witchcraft in some parts. Feel free to consult any witches and wizards you know should you need help. I doubt you would.

• Send a host of unexplainable illnesses to the said person. Don’t kill them. Just make them THINK they’re gonna die. Then when they have learned their lessons (read: Not to fuck with me), give them back their health.

• Nightmares. Please haunt the person’s sleep. Disturb their peace and all that. Do not show them all of my face. Keep them guessing. You know better how these things work Karma, do your thing. Suffocate them and again, let them think they’re gonna die, then when they give up, let them live. After they think the nightmare is gonna end, start all over again and repeat till morning.

• Make the fool believe things that are not there. Hallucinations. Yes. That’s the word! Make them mess up business meetings, relationships and all other things they can as a result of their constant paranoia.

Ok. The list is not that long. Please feel free to draw inspiration from this short one and get creative. Throw in little things in there like letting their boss overhear them bitching about work. You know man. Stuff that really sticks it to them.Oh and… and…Make them really really ugly. Even if they’re not, they must just believe they are and be self conscious the whole time. ha ha ha! That’s will really be fun to watch. Yes, I wanna watch. Keep’em close dear Karma. I implore you.

Why am I so bitter? Eish Karma… You know what’s been happening. It’s not my fault. I am a good person. Maybe not all the time, but I have my reasons and I ask for forgiveness when I’ve been wrong. Let’s not forget that I’m also justified. Don’t give me that look.

Thank you for taking the time.

With all due respect for your current methods,
G. Bass